It has been over a week now since the announcement that America killed Osama Bin Laden. Not much has changed in my day to day life, though my perception of the generation I am grouped with has been shifted powerfully. I may be the only one, but I feel less safe than I did last Sunday.
I remember September 11, 2001 just like all my peers. I remember sitting in 8th grade Social Studies and hearing whispers of a plane crash in New York, I remember watching the the second plane hit the towers, and I remember the prayer service we held at church that evening. The lines as the gas stations, the images being played over and over again, teachers crying, people enlisting, and I was in choir when the name Bin Laden was first linked to the attacks. I remember it all too.
I also remember the outrage that people felt when they saw citizens of other countries celebrating in the streets, when people seemed to first realize that there are people in this world that hate them because they are Americans. I never felt that outraged; I sat through history classes, I had read books, I knew America did some pretty shady stuff that I was not down with. So, while I did not condone the celebrations it made sense to me. Or maybe it was because I could hear my mother saying something like, "America, a nation built though the genocide of one people and the enslavement of another..."
It was the first time since Pearl Harbor (I think, I don't know, I'm not a scholar...) American felt what it was to be attacked on their land. Think about that. How many other places in the world have that luxury? Where else are people so privileged. And it is a privilege, not a right; if America thought it was a right we would stop attacking other people's home and businesses and schools, we would stop killing peoples children and parents. How often do you thank your god that you live in place where you don't have to fear attack on a daily bases? Even at age 13 I though going to war with "terror" and Iraq was an awful idea. And back then that was not a cool opinion to hold.
So now that the mood has shifted and the year is 2011 and not 2001, America has killed Osama Bin Laden, and my generation is out in the streets celebrating, celebrating death! They are in the streets celebrating death, and it makes me want to weep. Have they forgotten what it feels like to have someone celebrate the death of Americans? Or do they discount the lives of Bin Laden's children and grandchildren? Do they just feel so certain that God's moral judgment is on their side that it is the right thing to do? Are they that certain that we aren't the bad guys? Well that sounds like a terrorist group to me. But who am I to say.
Maybe I don't get it because I was never scared. I was never scared to fly after 9/11. I didn't feel that people who looked different that me deserved to be treated differently when going though security. I didn't feel the need to stock pile food, or go out and buy an American flag for every room in my house. And I certainly never thought war was going to solve any of our problems.
I actually feel less safe now that Bin Laden is dead. I see that the ending of his life did not take the hatred and poison out of the world but only intensified it. It opened up the hatred it had planted in the hearts of young Americans ten years ago. We are just the same as him, and no one sees it.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Things I Learned At Outlaw Ranch
I wrote this... forever ago... but never got around to posting it
Until now......
As spring approaches, the understanding that I will not be returning to Outlaw Ranch becomes more and more real. People are posting things about interviews and excitement over the warmer weather. It is hard to believe I am not among those who get to return to one of the most wonderful places on earth.
I have found myself thinking of my time at camp and all the ways that the last three summers have shaped the person I am today. While there will not be a fourth summer to influence my becoming, here are some of the most important things I have taken away from that place and experience.
1) Attitude is 80% of the battle. Whether it is the way you spin a sentence (That's was pretty good. verses That wasn't so bad.), wearing a smile when all you need is a nap, or pushing your energy level just a little higher than you thought you could, having a positive attitude can make a world of difference. And an extra awesome bonus, that attitude will be contagious.
2) Take responsibility. Not just for your self, but all things you have been charged with. Take ownership and responsibility of those you where charged with guiding. Apologize when need, correct when necessary, never dwell on wrong doings.
3) Praise good deeds whenever possible.
4) Pray often. Pray out loud in groups, pray holding hands, pray at night, pray in the morning, pray with loud singing and dancing, pray in the stillness of the darkest night. Pray where you are.
5) Shower those around you with love. Even if you will only know a person for 5 days, surround them with more love than you think is safe. Don't be afraid to cry when you part, a lot can happen in 5 days!
6) Don't talk about last weeks campers with the next weeks campers! Be present in the week and moment at hand.
Until now......
As spring approaches, the understanding that I will not be returning to Outlaw Ranch becomes more and more real. People are posting things about interviews and excitement over the warmer weather. It is hard to believe I am not among those who get to return to one of the most wonderful places on earth.
I have found myself thinking of my time at camp and all the ways that the last three summers have shaped the person I am today. While there will not be a fourth summer to influence my becoming, here are some of the most important things I have taken away from that place and experience.
1) Attitude is 80% of the battle. Whether it is the way you spin a sentence (That's was pretty good. verses That wasn't so bad.), wearing a smile when all you need is a nap, or pushing your energy level just a little higher than you thought you could, having a positive attitude can make a world of difference. And an extra awesome bonus, that attitude will be contagious.
2) Take responsibility. Not just for your self, but all things you have been charged with. Take ownership and responsibility of those you where charged with guiding. Apologize when need, correct when necessary, never dwell on wrong doings.
3) Praise good deeds whenever possible.
4) Pray often. Pray out loud in groups, pray holding hands, pray at night, pray in the morning, pray with loud singing and dancing, pray in the stillness of the darkest night. Pray where you are.
5) Shower those around you with love. Even if you will only know a person for 5 days, surround them with more love than you think is safe. Don't be afraid to cry when you part, a lot can happen in 5 days!
6) Don't talk about last weeks campers with the next weeks campers! Be present in the week and moment at hand.
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010
This year has been a busy one to say the least. It has been a time of renewal, change, growth, and movement.
I'm not sure that if someone had told me on Jan. 1 2010 where I would be on Jan. 1 2011 I would have believed them, yet in the same breath everything this year has gone (for the most part) according to plan.
From Jan to April I finished my last semester at Wittenberg and graduated in May with a BA in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology and a minor in Religion. From there I packed my life up in a luggage set and moved all the way to Custer, South Dakota where I spent the summer working as the Program Dirctor of Outlaw Ranch. Camp ended the 13th of Aug and on the 15th I was in St Paul, MN beginning my trainning for Lutheran Volunteer Corps (LVC). A week later I found myself in Omaha, NE starting my work with Trinity Lutheran Church and Nile Lutheran Chapel.
On a more personal level, 2010 has brought shifting relationships. I grew closer to some friends that I now live far away from. Some relationships fell apart, due mostly to the fault of humans being broken things. I have found a community of which I am so happy to be apart. I've discovered that no matter how little you see some people, you will always carry them in your heart (and I know that they also carry me). I have had the chance to help people grow and discover their own talents and in return grown myself. And through all this changing landscapes of people I have had Marty by my side, loving and supporting me.
2010 has been a year of much shifting in my life, of much turn over and movement. My hope for 2011 is that it is a year of settling. I think the verb "to settle" gets a bad rap most of the time. It seems to imply that one is giving up on something better and accepting whatever is before them. I've come up with this metaphor to explain what I mean when I say I want to settle:
My life, my being, is sand and the world around me is water. These last few years have been ones of change and movement. The sand is all mixed up in the water and I want this year to begin the time of the sand settling to the bottom and collecting all the different things that have come from the movement. I need to settle, not to just accept where I am in life, but to allow everything to come together and the different influences in my life become known. How will I know much more mixing and movement I need in my life if I don't allow time for all of the previous movements to come together? If I don't take quiet time to listen to my life?
So, my hope for 2011 is that is will be a time of settling in my life; a time for the water to become clear and the sand to come together.
I'm not sure that if someone had told me on Jan. 1 2010 where I would be on Jan. 1 2011 I would have believed them, yet in the same breath everything this year has gone (for the most part) according to plan.
From Jan to April I finished my last semester at Wittenberg and graduated in May with a BA in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology and a minor in Religion. From there I packed my life up in a luggage set and moved all the way to Custer, South Dakota where I spent the summer working as the Program Dirctor of Outlaw Ranch. Camp ended the 13th of Aug and on the 15th I was in St Paul, MN beginning my trainning for Lutheran Volunteer Corps (LVC). A week later I found myself in Omaha, NE starting my work with Trinity Lutheran Church and Nile Lutheran Chapel.
On a more personal level, 2010 has brought shifting relationships. I grew closer to some friends that I now live far away from. Some relationships fell apart, due mostly to the fault of humans being broken things. I have found a community of which I am so happy to be apart. I've discovered that no matter how little you see some people, you will always carry them in your heart (and I know that they also carry me). I have had the chance to help people grow and discover their own talents and in return grown myself. And through all this changing landscapes of people I have had Marty by my side, loving and supporting me.
2010 has been a year of much shifting in my life, of much turn over and movement. My hope for 2011 is that it is a year of settling. I think the verb "to settle" gets a bad rap most of the time. It seems to imply that one is giving up on something better and accepting whatever is before them. I've come up with this metaphor to explain what I mean when I say I want to settle:
My life, my being, is sand and the world around me is water. These last few years have been ones of change and movement. The sand is all mixed up in the water and I want this year to begin the time of the sand settling to the bottom and collecting all the different things that have come from the movement. I need to settle, not to just accept where I am in life, but to allow everything to come together and the different influences in my life become known. How will I know much more mixing and movement I need in my life if I don't allow time for all of the previous movements to come together? If I don't take quiet time to listen to my life?
So, my hope for 2011 is that is will be a time of settling in my life; a time for the water to become clear and the sand to come together.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Welcome to the Real World!
It seems that at every turn in life there is someone telling me to get ready for the next step forward. In middle school I remember taking finals, which counted for very little, because that’s what I would have to do in high school and I should get used to it now. In high school, things got harder as the teachers tried to prepare us for college. Once in college I was lectured about there would be no extensions in post-grad work or the real world.
The real world… this seems to be a phrased that was tossed around a lot in these preparations for the next step in life, as if each move forward brought me closer to this line that I would eventually step over. Once that happened, it seemed that there would be no turning back and I had better pray that all my prep work paid off.
I’ve encounter this idea of real world in other setting too. When I worked at camp, there was always this lingo of getting back to the real world once the summer was over. When I’m on retreats I find this lingo used as well.
As I try and understand my 22 years of preparation for the real world and my escapes from it, I find myself not fully understanding what constitutes this real world that everyone seems to be talking about. Is it that I have to work 40 hours a week? That I pay my own bills? Must I live free of parental supervision? Should I be married to gain access? Or perhaps I need children? Maybe I need to be struggling to make ends meet? Surely then I will understand! I feel like I’m grasping at straws to figure out when my own life will enter the ranks of those “living in the real world.”
But, the more I think about it, the more I’m inclined to think that those time in my life that I was being trained for the real world or escaping from the real world are the only real times I’ve actually experienced it. Places like Outlaw Ranch (my camp), an LVC retreat, a Friday night at Wittenberg, or a family gathering at Thanksgiving are the epitome of what I’ve decided my real world will be about.
The real world is not about supporting yourself but rather supporting others. It is not about how much you can save but how much you can part with. It is not how much knowledge you have accumulated but the wisdom you can pass on. And the size of your house means nothing compared to the size of your heart.
It turns out I’ve been standing in the midst of the real world all my life and that’s a much easier journey than the maps handed out by society led me to think.
Thinking.
I haven't posted for awhile (in case you didn't notice), I don't know what to say. My musings of late seem to be ones that I mostly want to keep on a less public forum than this. So I'll try to distill some ideas, thoughts, and feelings that might be of interest. It being the end of the year and all, who isn't musing at least a little?
1) Self mastery is a bitch! My housemates and I have had the opportunity to do some self discover by way of the enneagram (if you don't know what that is check out this website http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/, it is some very interesting stuff (I'm an 8 if you were wondering)). We know have several book in the house of which I am able to read that help me dive into my psyche and become a more self-aware me. To keep it short, the process is long, painful, and an overall pain in the ass (though I am getting a lot out of it or I would not continue).
2) While the holidays are full of joy and blessings, they are also full of pain and heartache. I don't think our society (religious or secular) on the whole does a very good job of acknowledging how hard the holidays really are for people who have lost someone close to them, or for those who have suffered hardships throughout the year. I would encourage everyone to ask someone how they are doing in the midst of the season and then really listen to the answer.
3) As I was driving round downtown Omaha recently, enjoying the lights and decorations I found myself asking the question, "How much more money does Omaha spend on electricity during Christmas/ Winter season? and how could that money be redirected to build up more than the appearance of Omaha?" I have no answer but I does make me think a lot about the gap between what people say and what they do.
4) I've been doing adult things for far longer than I was aware, I just thought everyone my age was doing them too
5) The only real control I will ever have in this world is over myself; my actions, my reactions, my words. I must be careful not to abuse this control most of all.
6) I can't remember the last time I allowed myself to cry uncontrollably. A time when I didn't hold back the snot and salt water and everything else that goes along with that. Can you?
Thanks for reading
Happy Advent
1) Self mastery is a bitch! My housemates and I have had the opportunity to do some self discover by way of the enneagram (if you don't know what that is check out this website http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/, it is some very interesting stuff (I'm an 8 if you were wondering)). We know have several book in the house of which I am able to read that help me dive into my psyche and become a more self-aware me. To keep it short, the process is long, painful, and an overall pain in the ass (though I am getting a lot out of it or I would not continue).
2) While the holidays are full of joy and blessings, they are also full of pain and heartache. I don't think our society (religious or secular) on the whole does a very good job of acknowledging how hard the holidays really are for people who have lost someone close to them, or for those who have suffered hardships throughout the year. I would encourage everyone to ask someone how they are doing in the midst of the season and then really listen to the answer.
3) As I was driving round downtown Omaha recently, enjoying the lights and decorations I found myself asking the question, "How much more money does Omaha spend on electricity during Christmas/ Winter season? and how could that money be redirected to build up more than the appearance of Omaha?" I have no answer but I does make me think a lot about the gap between what people say and what they do.
4) I've been doing adult things for far longer than I was aware, I just thought everyone my age was doing them too
5) The only real control I will ever have in this world is over myself; my actions, my reactions, my words. I must be careful not to abuse this control most of all.
6) I can't remember the last time I allowed myself to cry uncontrollably. A time when I didn't hold back the snot and salt water and everything else that goes along with that. Can you?
Thanks for reading
Happy Advent
Sunday, October 31, 2010
The Formation of Community
Pseudo-community, Chaos, Emptiness, Community....
These are the four basic phases that LVC told us would lead to a real life community. It would start like this: everyone would emulate closeness (telling overly personal stories, crying, hugging etc) be overly nice yet still not be up front with one another about their true thought and feeling (pseudo-community). Next comes chaos; something happens to tip the scales, someone says something, does something, and there is an explosion. Suddenly pent up frustrations and aggressions are spilling out in every direction. The next transitions is the hardest to make, from chaos to emptiness. Even, just the words, as a science-type thinker, tell me that this one is the most challenging and will require the most energy. Entropy is working against you, the world around you is descending into chaos and mass amounts of energy must be pumped into the system in order to create order (emptiness), and the faster you want this to happen the more energy is needed.
Now, the emptiness that they told us about may not be what you are initially thinking of in terms of community. It is the emptiness of the individuals in the community to listen to one another without prejudice or judgment. The emptiness of ones own agendas and a willingness to create a new one, together. From this a community will naturally blossom
I think all communities would love to skip this chaos stage and just go right into the community, the true community, part. I think that it may actually be possible to do, but it would require a very unique group of individuals. I've personally been working on this whole idea of being empty in all relationships for the past year or so. I haven't called it this, rather said that I was trying to met people where they are. This has manifest in different ways. As a program director I had varied expectations of the counselors I supervised, but was always trying to get them all to be the best they could. At Trinity it means knowing and being patient with the Sudanese as they continue to adapt to American culture. In community it means knowing that we all have different expectations, and those will be manifest by how we live out community.
The hardest part is meeting someone where they are without compromising your own ground, being empty to someone when it seems as though they are full of judgment and agendas. I suppose all you can really do is hope that they too become empty so they may be a vessel for your ideas, thoughts, and feelings rather than theirs alone.
These are the four basic phases that LVC told us would lead to a real life community. It would start like this: everyone would emulate closeness (telling overly personal stories, crying, hugging etc) be overly nice yet still not be up front with one another about their true thought and feeling (pseudo-community). Next comes chaos; something happens to tip the scales, someone says something, does something, and there is an explosion. Suddenly pent up frustrations and aggressions are spilling out in every direction. The next transitions is the hardest to make, from chaos to emptiness. Even, just the words, as a science-type thinker, tell me that this one is the most challenging and will require the most energy. Entropy is working against you, the world around you is descending into chaos and mass amounts of energy must be pumped into the system in order to create order (emptiness), and the faster you want this to happen the more energy is needed.
Now, the emptiness that they told us about may not be what you are initially thinking of in terms of community. It is the emptiness of the individuals in the community to listen to one another without prejudice or judgment. The emptiness of ones own agendas and a willingness to create a new one, together. From this a community will naturally blossom
I think all communities would love to skip this chaos stage and just go right into the community, the true community, part. I think that it may actually be possible to do, but it would require a very unique group of individuals. I've personally been working on this whole idea of being empty in all relationships for the past year or so. I haven't called it this, rather said that I was trying to met people where they are. This has manifest in different ways. As a program director I had varied expectations of the counselors I supervised, but was always trying to get them all to be the best they could. At Trinity it means knowing and being patient with the Sudanese as they continue to adapt to American culture. In community it means knowing that we all have different expectations, and those will be manifest by how we live out community.
The hardest part is meeting someone where they are without compromising your own ground, being empty to someone when it seems as though they are full of judgment and agendas. I suppose all you can really do is hope that they too become empty so they may be a vessel for your ideas, thoughts, and feelings rather than theirs alone.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Oppression....
I am oppressed.
I will remain oppressed until all children have good and reliable role models. I will remain oppressed until all people are properly cared for at the end of life. I will remain oppressed until all people have food to eat and have shelter and heat. I am oppressed until people are free to love whomever they choose without judgment. I will be oppressed until having an "ethnic name" doesn't result in you job application being thrown away. I am oppressed until the hoarders and haves loosen their grips on the world's resources and start to live an abundant life rather than a life with abundance. I oppress myself as I oppress others.
Two quotes for consideration:
1 Corinthians 12:25-26, "...that there may be no dissension within the body, but the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honored, all rejoice together with it." NRSV
"If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together..." - Lila Watson, Australina aboriginal woman, in response to mission workers
As I sat in a Bible study today covering the familiar text of 1 Corinthians 12 (we are all one body in Christ), the second quote forced its way to the front of my thoughts. This is the quote that LVC has made its quote or motto or catchphrase or something this year. I loved it from the moment I heard it way back in my first interview for LVC in February. It echoed my own desire to make my year in LVC not a time to "give back to the community" and then get back to real life, but rather the continuation of my life long journey to work for social justice in the world (I would say the start of my journey but I have been blessed with a family that has put me on that path long before I knew it, so continuation is more appropriate).
I am still not sure I really know what social justice is, in the strictest sense. I seem to have a much better idea of what social injustice is. It's once of those things that can be really hard to explain to someone. How do you explain to someone that American society has hardwired us to ignore and overlook the social injustice in the world, to turn a blind eye to how all of our own actions and inaction feed into it every day? Simply knowing this can't be enough, can it? How can I really combat it while still living and working within it? I could always just become one of those people who leaves society and lives on an isolated, self sustaining farm, but then I wouldn't be doing much to help other break the chains of injustice and oppression. How do I accept my own institutionalization and fight against it at the same time?
I suppose the only thing I can really do is not allow myself to be paralyzed by the helplessness I feel when looking at the overwhelmingly larger picture. I've situated myself in a place where I can see the things that limit us, that hold people back, and that fuel the status quo. I just can't allow myself to be comfortable there, to every be blind to the injustice that surrounds me. To know that I too will remain oppressed until all have been liberated.
I don't know what my vocation is yet, but I do know I am not called to sit ideally by while other members of the body are suffering, I must suffer with them. Then, perhaps one day, we will all rejoice in our liberation together.
I will remain oppressed until all children have good and reliable role models. I will remain oppressed until all people are properly cared for at the end of life. I will remain oppressed until all people have food to eat and have shelter and heat. I am oppressed until people are free to love whomever they choose without judgment. I will be oppressed until having an "ethnic name" doesn't result in you job application being thrown away. I am oppressed until the hoarders and haves loosen their grips on the world's resources and start to live an abundant life rather than a life with abundance. I oppress myself as I oppress others.
Two quotes for consideration:
1 Corinthians 12:25-26, "...that there may be no dissension within the body, but the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honored, all rejoice together with it." NRSV
"If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together..." - Lila Watson, Australina aboriginal woman, in response to mission workers
As I sat in a Bible study today covering the familiar text of 1 Corinthians 12 (we are all one body in Christ), the second quote forced its way to the front of my thoughts. This is the quote that LVC has made its quote or motto or catchphrase or something this year. I loved it from the moment I heard it way back in my first interview for LVC in February. It echoed my own desire to make my year in LVC not a time to "give back to the community" and then get back to real life, but rather the continuation of my life long journey to work for social justice in the world (I would say the start of my journey but I have been blessed with a family that has put me on that path long before I knew it, so continuation is more appropriate).
I am still not sure I really know what social justice is, in the strictest sense. I seem to have a much better idea of what social injustice is. It's once of those things that can be really hard to explain to someone. How do you explain to someone that American society has hardwired us to ignore and overlook the social injustice in the world, to turn a blind eye to how all of our own actions and inaction feed into it every day? Simply knowing this can't be enough, can it? How can I really combat it while still living and working within it? I could always just become one of those people who leaves society and lives on an isolated, self sustaining farm, but then I wouldn't be doing much to help other break the chains of injustice and oppression. How do I accept my own institutionalization and fight against it at the same time?
I suppose the only thing I can really do is not allow myself to be paralyzed by the helplessness I feel when looking at the overwhelmingly larger picture. I've situated myself in a place where I can see the things that limit us, that hold people back, and that fuel the status quo. I just can't allow myself to be comfortable there, to every be blind to the injustice that surrounds me. To know that I too will remain oppressed until all have been liberated.
I don't know what my vocation is yet, but I do know I am not called to sit ideally by while other members of the body are suffering, I must suffer with them. Then, perhaps one day, we will all rejoice in our liberation together.
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